I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
