thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
