if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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