So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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