Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i think i have herpe
just one?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
