I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
