i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize