i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize