Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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