I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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