never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize