Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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