..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
