Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
