mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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