I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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