i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize