I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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