My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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