Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
