i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
