i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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