The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
