He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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