So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
