it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
The air taste purple.
Randomize