This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
