Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
