You smell like stripper and shame
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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