i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
