you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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