Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
