Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize