WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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