I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
