Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
