I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
