from now on my penis is your penis
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize