Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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