Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
