I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
