i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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