I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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