he puts the penis in happiness.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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