I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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