So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
