she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
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