we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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