I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
