what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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