Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
