Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize