i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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