Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize