When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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