I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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