I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
