He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
