drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
