pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
