a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
