well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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