Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
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