Someone shit on the floor
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
