Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
