Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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