Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
